longing.

This summer has been a really eye opening summer. Fir better or for worse. So many things have happened that have changed the movement of my life.

I moved in with Jeremy. I won’t tell you yet if it is good or bad. It is a change. So many days I can’t wait to get home and see him, and have dinner together and be a couple. All the other days I long for the quiet of my old apartment. Our small tiffs are hard to avoid, harder to walk away from, but ultimately do make us stronger. The change in lifestyle has challenged my neat-freakness and my compulsion for control. It has been a good thing for me, and also frustrating to deal with.

I quit my job. A job I thought I disliked until it was gone. Words can not express how much I am going to miss the people I worked with and seeing those kid’s faces in a few weeks. I grow more morose each passing day. But it has taught me one extremely valuable thing. I am a teacher. It is a part of me like any other part. I actively avoid the back-to-school aisle so I don’t cry, and I try not to think about what I left behind.

This summer job I took was a wonderful experience, but the best thing I got out of it was that I discovered more of who I am and more of who I want to be. Yes, planning catering menus is fun and interesting and my love for food definitely lets me be me. But it is not who I am in my heart. I want to entertain my friends, not a group of 500. I want a cosy atmosphere, not a hotel banquet hall. It is a bitter sweet sensation. I gave up what I thought I no longer loved to discover how I really felt.

But it comes with a price. Officially in three weeks I’ll be jobless. I’ll be in a place I never planned on being. And I’m scared. I can only hope that this will turn into something wonderful, and that I will finally find a place down here.

Happy start of school to all my teacher friends. I miss you.

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