resilience.

The last week and a half has been the hardest of my life. Moving to Illinois I knew would be a struggle. I planned that into my decision making when I was packing up my belongings. But I really just wasn’t aware how hard it was going to be.

Teaching License. Yes, it finally came through. After coughing up nearly $400 in fees to make it all happen, my Provisional Teaching License is here. Now, the fun continues. I have two years to complete three more college courses that Illinois feels like I need, and one more test to top it all off. So, figuring I find a decent price on graduate classes, we’re looking at another $2000 I get to spend on making this happen. In the mean time, I can’t get hired, so my career doesn’t actually get to start over for another two years. When I’m 28. Awesome.

Work. I’ve been in the “dungeon” at work for the last week, reorganizing cabinets and making copies for people. I am useless and extremely depressed about it. I don’t see the kids, or my colleagues, and I can’t stand the boredom. I’m trying so hard to keep busy and not think about it, but there just isn’t enough for me to do.

Illinois Residency. I need an Illinois drivers license. I finally scrounge up all the things I need, after calling the State to double check I had it all, and drive to the nearest DMV. This turns out to be the wrong place. It’s an Express DMV, whatever that means. The lady there, in true DMV fashion, was super rude to me, and I have one hour to drive across the county and get to where I really need to be. Amazing. I get to where I need to fo, half an hour to spare, and amazingly get to a person after about ten minutes. Then I’m denied a license. In an age of paperless and e-everything, I needed to provide evidence of residence. I brought six different pieces of mail with me (required:2) and all of them were no good. After my call to the state, and a double check, all mail pieces need to be 90 days old or newer. So all my school issued paperwork, useless. Insurance paperwork issued at job start, useless. My Xfinity junk mail, useless. So I try to get online to show her my estatements and online bill pay. Privacy reasons, no address. Denied. Another victory this week.

TV. Petty problem, but I tried to watch my show while Jeremy was at school Tuesday, and I was starting on his Valentine’s Day surprise, and even my television hates me. It wouldn’t turn on, or play. So I had to stream on my tiny computer.

Workout. All this frustration should have meant I was at the gym. Instead, I pigged out on pizza one day, and wallowed another. Pathetic. Unacceptable.

Where is my resilience? Where is my positive attitude? Why am I so miserable? I always thought I was a person who stood up to adversity, and demanded nothing other than the best, and wouldn’t accept the way things are. I’ve turned into a whiney, miserable, annoying person. So things aren’t going my way. Will it get worked out, yes. Will it be easy, no. Will this be the worst thing in your life, probably not. Will you be a better person for this, yes. Then my goodness, Jenni, get your act together. Who we are in the face of adversity defines so much of us. I’m not liking what I’m seeing. But I don’t know what’s causing it, or how to change.

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